Christmas Bummer

This will be the 1st time in 16 years I, we will not be able to adopt a child for Christmas.

Even when I was in high school, I headed up efforts to support children in need during the holidays.

Last year, was pivotal in the fact that my organization and I provided gifts for over 60 children last year.

Sadly that is what burned me out,..

It doesn't change my weeping heart or the fact I have always used "the Giving tree, the Angel tree or Toys for tots" as a teaching tool of the heart for my children.

You see in my home the kids look forward to buying for another child.

They enjoy picking out an outfit that they love and a toy to go with it, down to matching bows.

We celebrate in this house and CHRISTMAS is a time to celebrate, not be be stingy!

I hope that my girls have grown with this,..

but I am broken because I am so tight this year all I have, is what I got.

No extra to go buy lavish clothing for a child I do not know,..

it pains me so

So this year I will hold fast in my faith and know next year we can pick up a boy and a girl and make their holiday special

As for this year I am being very cautious with every cent and have my pennies divided evenly

Maybe I can hit up one of those black Friday deals and drop it off in the toys for tots boxes,..

Still it will not be the same

The girls and I would spend all day focused on this child we didn't know.

I of course would be inundated with questions about this child and why we were doing what we were doing, and that is simply something that filled my heart with joy.

They knew when they helped me wrap up these items someone, usually a little girl would open a new doll or something and then an outfit they could feel like a princess in,....

Oh well,.. I guess if this is the only bummer of the season,.. I am better off

but for now those trees will haunt me and call out to me,...

It is just my nature I guess....

Kidney Infection

I hate you!

With every strand of my being!

I never in my life felt like I was going to die,..

but thanks to you, I now know what death feels like!

As far as how we met

I know the IUD introduced us

even though "they don't think that is a possibility"

Your Chills had me in your grips

and I couldn't see how to escape you

Thank God for the ER,

antibiotics & probiotics

With out these I would be in a hospital bed

with IV's, no doubt

You suck my face off

I have permanently traded you for cranberries,

juice, craisins, and pill powdered form

My swift affair with you is now over

I do not welcome you back in my life

I do suggest you and the IUD

live happily ever after,..

in hell!

Blessings Come and Go

They do, daily and sometimes we see them, and sometimes they pass us by.

Today was very different

As I passed the man on the side of the road

Holding his sign made of cardboard

I was called to him,... he was different

You see I saw him before he was holding that sign,..

I was leaving Wally World~

I saw him living in his car

a thin man with a dog

Living in his car,...

I memorized his face

So today when I saw him at the corner

My heart wretched!

I didn't wanna go buy anything, as I am watching every penny

So I went home and grabbed things from my cupboard

that I knew he could eat in his car,...

I parked and locked the doors

Walked to the side of the road and handed him the bag of food,...

he was a little surprised,..

but I was called out to help him,......

Normal?

So yesterday I had an awaking of sorts and I am still in a fog about the whole mess.

You see I don't get sick, I am not normal on any ones radar.

So when my body threw me into Massive chills and fever reaching 105.2

I thought I was going to die

I don't even really know where to start

but if you are bored leave now,...

I am writing this one to work through my own personal mess

Being who I am, I have always been disconnected from my physical body

I am a head~ie person

if that doesn't make sense, don't ask,..

Things, Everything affects me is such a different manner the the average human

from over the counter medicines, to vitamins, and illness

For example,

I had gallbladder disease and I had it removed,..

it is supposed to be a in and out thing

nope not for me,I came out of riping tubes away from my body and being even sicker than when I came in

I stayed over night, and left that morning,...

Only to be rushed to the ER feeling like I was dieing

After a few interactions with ass faces they found out

when they removed my gallbladder they dropped a few stones in my liver ducts

Which causes jaundice~ and an obstruction in your liver for a period of time = death

So I was again rushed into a ER surgery,..and when I came too this time, I was screaming because of pain,..

You see when they balloon swabbed out the stones they "accidentally" ripped my uvula

I couldn't speak for a few days,...

So when I started feeling like crap yesterday I knew something was seriously wrong

Being a stay at home mom to 4 kids, one being in school

doesn't allow for a whole lot of R&R

I let my husband know how awful I was feeling,.. and he decided to come home,

THANK GOD!!!

When I was getting ready to pick up my child from school my fever was up to 103.7

I went anyway, but when I got there I knew I had to get to the doctor right away!

I had a friend pick up my kiddo

and my hub raced me to the Doc

Aside from them pushing damn insurance forms in my face, all the while I was pleading to see a Doc since I felt like I was going to die,..

I got in and the tests started,...

I pleaded with them not to admit me to the hospital

I told them I have 4 kids, and If I go the baby goes too!

After 3 hours they were able to lower my fever and isolate the pain,..

it was a damn kidney infection,...

and I will tell you I got it from the asses dicking around with trying to find my IUD

and even though I pissed about it,... there is so much more on the table now.

Back to Normal~ But the average person would be like I was sick and now I'll get better,...

I took it, and am taking it like, what do I need to fix in my life,... how do I make life better,..

Ya know I have always thought I saw the blessings in almost everything but when I got home and helped my 3yr old brush her teeth I realized I have not,...

I know that crap happens to everyone,.. but I seek the truth behind it always~ no matter how painful it is.

It comes down to the fact that I have four kids

I owe them each 10 years

I need to make changes in my life so that not one second is ever wasted again

Winter Wonderland

My 5yr old asks,

"Why is the sun not out,... is it afraid it will get snow on it"?

Yep That's why!

I am looking forward to winter as one

looks forward to a hot soaking bath~ with no interruptions!

I love the smell of winter

I love the crispness of the snow

I love seeing the kids fall backwards to make snow angels

I love a reason to make hot coco

I love cuddling "because" it is cold out side

I love wiping red noses, after tumbling in the snow

I love the smell of a fresh Christmas Tree

I love how dark it gets and the lights from the houses color the streets like a rainbow

I love how the early morning sun catches the sparkle of the first fallen snow

I love crawling into cold sheets and shivering until your body warms up the bed

I love watching Holiday movies with meaning

I love how this time of year some how puts to rest the crap salad that was served during the previous months

I love having reasons to bake till my fingers turn blue

I love how excited my grandfather still gets at Christmas time

I love putting the kids to bed as their imaginations of what is to come sparkles in their drifting eyes

I love the feeling of love that represents the season well

I love Making Christmas card selections

I love surprising special people with unexpected treats in the mail

I love it when it is dark and cold

Now if it would only snow,....

Thanks Papa!

I had a brief conversation with my Grandfather today

Which is no small feat, considering he is at the final stages of his life

We talked about alot of things

(today we were blessed with good hearing)

As much as I want to share today

It was me stating to him

"Thank you for your Service"

He was, Like huh,...ok,...

I was like Papa, you WERE in the Navy

He was like, oh my that was so many years ago

I marched on Market street~

So with That

I want to thank the greatest man in my life

(other than my son and the hub)

Thank you for your Service~

To all who have given so much

May God continue to shine his light of the greater good on us all,..

As For America God Bless us now and forever!

3 strikes and You are OUT!

So in a previous post

Seen Here

I wrote about an issue with the doc

Not to mention the damn jammin' the Flu down my throat

and today took the cake~literally~!

I got the reminder call yesterday for my daughter's 5 year old shots

So I prepared her

She was ready to meet needle for grander health

As she does most everything with her sunny smile

We got to the Doctor's office and to my demise

They "Forgot" to tell me my appointment had been cancelled

FORGOT!!! Are you kidding me?!?!

I was like what about the phone call?

She was like, oh that is automated

I apologize we could reschedule with a different doc on the 20th

I was like, No,....

I need a copy of our records

I'll be finding a different Doctor,...

I am sorry but time is to short and I am a pissy bitch sometimes

and it would be wise for the average human to wise up or get the hell out of my way~

especially when they have the pleasure to deal with my children

a word to the wise

Off to find someone who is more snotty than I,

so I can relate, and they don't even have to ask why,....