This will be the 1st time in 16 years I, we will not be able to adopt a child for Christmas.
Even when I was in high school, I headed up efforts to support children in need during the holidays.
Last year, was pivotal in the fact that my organization and I provided gifts for over 60 children last year.
Sadly that is what burned me out,..
It doesn't change my weeping heart or the fact I have always used "the Giving tree, the Angel tree or Toys for tots" as a teaching tool of the heart for my children.
You see in my home the kids look forward to buying for another child.
They enjoy picking out an outfit that they love and a toy to go with it, down to matching bows.
We celebrate in this house and CHRISTMAS is a time to celebrate, not be be stingy!
I hope that my girls have grown with this,..
but I am broken because I am so tight this year all I have, is what I got.
No extra to go buy lavish clothing for a child I do not know,..
it pains me so
So this year I will hold fast in my faith and know next year we can pick up a boy and a girl and make their holiday special
As for this year I am being very cautious with every cent and have my pennies divided evenly
Maybe I can hit up one of those black Friday deals and drop it off in the toys for tots boxes,..
Still it will not be the same
The girls and I would spend all day focused on this child we didn't know.
I of course would be inundated with questions about this child and why we were doing what we were doing, and that is simply something that filled my heart with joy.
They knew when they helped me wrap up these items someone, usually a little girl would open a new doll or something and then an outfit they could feel like a princess in,....
Oh well,.. I guess if this is the only bummer of the season,.. I am better off
but for now those trees will haunt me and call out to me,...
It is just my nature I guess....





